|STILL NOT FINISHED.
||[Apr. 3rd, 2006|10:05 pm]
Letters From The Editor
To anyone who wastes their time by reading this.|
This is the latest draft of my wishes. please take any notice of my previous wishes, the latest list is the correct wish.
+ cheap coffin
+ burial at worting road cememtry
+ Music - Green Day - Time Of Your Life (good riddance), Rufus Wainwright Hallelujah, Amelia - Big Big World.
I am well aware that people are likely to hate me and be very angry with me now, enough so they will not let me have the final say about my life, but i understand that, and it's your choice, i'm dead, why do i care?
Since the age of 12 my death wish has been stronger and shone brighter than anyone or anything in my life. even in my moments of happiness i wanted to die, i always thought about dying happy rather than the sick twisted morbind fuck up I am.
I wasn't cut out for life. this life has thrown unhappiness and depression in my face and I can't fight anymore. i'm tired, my head hurts and my heart aches. i feel sick most of the time.
People have one by one let go of me, because they can't stand my neediness, they don't have the strength do deal with my moodswings and constant need of reasurance.
My life was better than so many others, but i didn't deserve it. everytime I was with the fantastic people i loved i felt guilty, guilty because i didn't deserve them, guilty because no matter how hard they or i try, i'm still miserable. guilty because i look at everything I have and realise that i should be happy, but i'm not. i'm immature, selfish and unappreciative.
Even the thought of loved ones and fun times wasn't enough to keep me here.
Day by day the fraying thread holding me back has been snapping.
if you read back through my other Livejournal you will see just why i've done this. I'm ok though, I'm witth jen, she'll look after me.